What we really want in a partner

You’ve probably been asked on more than oneoccasion what you look for in a partner. Often the most obvious answers come tomind - you want them to be attractive, funny and kind. But people are complexand no one is perfect, so over the years psychologists and scientists haveconducted a lot of research into exactly what men and women are looking for intheir significant other.

Every study has thrown up different results,but largely come to the same conclusion: looks usually find themselves near thebottom of the list, with traits such as honesty and kindness more likely toappear at the top. And while everyone is different and will seek out differentthings in their partners, research has highlighted some of the key personalitytraits that are important to us.

We’re going to take a closer look at whatpeople really want in a partner and why these traits are so important for asuccessful relationship.

Honesty

Honesty is a key component in any relationship,which is probably why it is very often rated as one of the most importantattributes in a partner. Honesty is important on so many levels. Norelationship should be based on lies and you should always be able to be openwith the person you love. But it’s also about being honest about who you are asa person and what you want from the future and from your relationship. Tellingthe truth is important, just as long as it’s always in a constructive way thatboth parties can use to improve and move forward in the relationship.

Confidence

Confidence is also consistently rated as one ofthe most important traits in a partner. Being insecure can lead to a number ofissues in a relationship. Firstly, if you're with someone who lacks confidencethey may constantly question your relationship. Secondly, their negativefeelings towards themselves aren't just affecting them. They can also cause youto feel like you're not trying enough or cause you to be upset that yourpartner is unhappy with themselves. These negative emotions can take their tollon both of you, and can ultimately bring the relationship down.

Sense of humour

It seems like a bit of a cliché, but a sense ofhumour is hugely important to lots of people. In fact, SBS did a study of people courting overFacebook and Tinder and found that a sense of humour was ranked as the top traitpeople were looking for in a potential partner. You spend so much of your lifewith your significant other and most people want to be with someone who makesthem smile and laugh. This is especially true during difficult times when wemay need humour to help lift our mood and bring some positivity to thesituation.

Positivity

Positivity is hugely important in every aspectof your life. If you are surrounded by negative people, it can be easy forthese feelings to be passed on to you and start to affect your emotions in adetrimental way, and this is particularly true if you it’s someone you livewith or spend a lot of time with, such as your partner. Instead, people want todate someone with a positive outlook who can try to see the brighter side ofthings. Of course, there will always be times when this isn't possible, but asa general rule people want a partner who is a happy and positive person.

Ambition 

Most of us have goals and things we’d like toachieve in life and in our career, and so we often hope to find a partner thatalso has this drive. It can be very deflating to be with someone who is quitecontent doing nothing and has no ambition to try new things or reach for theirgoals, especially if you yourself are a very driven person and you’re alwaysonto your next challenge. This is why ambition has consistently ranked as oneof the top traits people look for in a partner.

Kindness

The app Clue ran a studyof over 68,000 people across the world and found that kindness was very importantin a potential partner, particularly for women. Kindness can be such a valuabletrait in a relationship as it involves showing care and love to your partner,as well as doing things to help and support them. But it also extends furtherthan just your relationship, and many people enjoy being with someone who iskind to everyone they meet. This can be the hallmark of a great person andsomeone who will naturally strive to make you happy.

Loyalty

Being loyal is about more than just beingfaithful to your partner, it’s about sticking by their side no matter what andstanding up for them in times of conflict. It’s about building trust andrespect and it shows that you're dedicated to that person and committed tonurturing your relationship with them.

Academic intelligence

For many people, a certain level of academicintelligence is desirable and someone who is knowledgeable, interesting and smartcan be very attractive. This doesn’t have to mean a Nobel Prize winner, but academicintelligence is also important for understanding each other and for findingthings in common. It’s this intelligence that allows you to have debates withone another and to find shared interests, leading to stimulating conversationswith one another over a shared passion.

Emotional intelligence

You can have all the book-smarts in the world,but if you're not emotionally available this can cause problems in arelationship. Emotional intelligence is so important because it allows us toempathise with one another and to see things from each other’s perspective.

No one wants a partner who can’t read the moodor who doesn't know how to help cheer them up when they're down or support themwhen they're going through a tough time. Emotional intelligence doesn't alwaysmean you have to agree with one another, but it gives you the ability tocompromise, to listen to each other and to grow as a couple. This is why somany people consider emotional intelligence important when looking for apartner.

Self-esteem

There’s a popular saying ‘how can you lovesomeone else if you don't love yourself’. Self-esteem not only affects the wayyou see yourself but your ability to give yourself to another person and to lovethem fully. Therefore, it’s not surprising that most people want a partner whois confident and happy with who they are and has high levels of self-esteem.

Conscientiousness

This is an interesting one and not something you may typically associate with desirable traits in a partner, but a study published on Psychology Today found that conscientiousness was a surprising but important aspect people were looking for in a partner. This is because they associated conscientiousness with caring, always being honest and always keeping promises to one another, very important parts of a happy and fulfilling relationship.

At Ignite Dating, we understand the importance of finding the right person for you. Someone who complements your personality and lifestyle. That’s why we spend time getting to know you, so we can use a perfect mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, your feedback and our expertise to match you with great potential partners. If you’d like to know more about how we can help you find love,get in touch with our friendly team today.