Body Language and the Nonverbal Signs for Dating
Among today’s non-stop,technology driven culture, it’s unsurprising that more and more of us areturning to technology to fill our boredom and to look for love.
With virtual meetings in theworkplace now being commonplace, and having instant access to devices such assmartphones, game consoles, not to mention an almost unlimited choice oftelevision shows, the art of effective communication for dating using body languagecould almost be said to be an endangered skill.
The irony is, as humans, we cravea deeper level of connection with others, one in which we can accuratelyexpress ourselves and our emotions without having to rely on the use of anemoji or meme, and this level of communication undoubtedly cannot be fulfilledthrough technology alone.
The Aura of confidence
Have you ever been sat in a bar or a coffee shop, opposite someone and intuitively been able to pick up on what type of person they might be? You may even say they’re giving off a certain type of ‘aura‘
However you label these feelingsand thoughts, what is undeniable, is that you are basing these firstimpressions of them from their body language!
I wonder if you have ever thoughtabout how you are being perceived, and what type of messages you are sendingthrough your own body language? Do you think people see you as being confident,shy, or even aggressive?
With over 90% of communicationbeing nonverbal, it’s little wonder that we’re able to form an opinion ofsomeone without even speaking to them.
All of us at one time or anotherhave been in a situation where we have tried to find the perfect words to sayto someone we were attracted to, when all along these words we were looking forwas only accounting for 7% of the communication we’re sending. Were we focusingas hard on the other 93%?
And while we all know that yourmood affects your body language, remember it’s just as true the other way round– your physicality impacts your psychology. This means, if you carry yourselfconfidently then not only will other people notice, but you will also feel moreconfident.
Dynamic dating
We can all agree that the ways in which we can now find love using technology has undoubtedly been a game changer for the dating world. However, through these times of change, what has survived, and for the most part, not been impacted, is how we still make those important first and lasting impressions during a date- when we come face to face and actually meet the other person.
Being great at texting andtalking on the phone is one thing, but making a great first impression face toface is a completely different ball game.
I want to share with you some ofthe effective nonverbal and body language techniques to use for making thatgreat impression on the first date.
Eye contact
We’ve all heard the saying “Theeyes are the window of the soul” and in the world of dating this is very muchtrue. Someone’s eyes can tell you how the other person is feeling, even if theydon’t tell you out loud. Eye contact can also be far more intimate than words.
One of the most important ways ofportraying confidence is effective eye contact.
This doesn’t mean you need to beconstantly staring at the other person like they’re your next meal, but a goodlevel of eye contact when your eyes meet can be attractive, flirtatious anddisplay confidence; but watch out for any eye rolling- you want to be showingyour interest, not your boredom or disapproval.
Smile, it’s contagious
Although it may sound obvious, a simple smile can workwonders. Not only is it a universal sign of happiness, italso releases endorphins, a naturalfeel-good chemical toactually make you feelhappier.
When we smile at anotherperson, it hits their mirror neurons and they may involuntarily smileback.
Of course I’m not saying youneed to walk around smiling like a Cheshire cat all the time, but a smile willmake you more approachable and attractive.
Posture
Don’t be a sloucher! If you wantto be more attractive and catch someone’s attention, then you should be awareof how you’re sitting, standing and how you carry yourself.
Great posture sends positivemessages, and you’re also projecting confidence. You want this to be open andto avoid being closed off, that means, sit up straight, lean towards themslightly if you’re sitting down together, and show them you are interestedthrough your body language.
Watch those hands
Hands can tell you a lot about aperson. If you want to show someone that you feel at ease and comfortablearound them, you can do this by having open hands and not hiding them. Becauseyou want to portray confidence, you don’t want to fidget or hide them.
You use your hands to helpexpress how you feel – if you were to put your favorite show on mute for 5minutes, you could probably pick up on how the characters were interacting justby watching their hand gestures. So don’t shut them off, but make sure they’resending the right signals – open and positive.
Finally, one other thing abouthands – you use them to check your phone. We all do it, but the last thing yourdate wants to see you doing is constantly staring at it, as if you’re moreinterested in what’s on with your phone than them. So, general rule of thumb –stay off it.
Positioning
Ok, let's talk about feet. Nowyou may be wondering ‘what on earth can someone's feet tell me about anotherperson?!’ Quite a lot, actually! For instance, if you notice that the personyou’re talking to is positioned with their feet slightly pointing towardsanother person, this could be an indicator they want to be talking to theminstead. To be comfortable and relaxed, your feet also should be around 6-8inches apart aligned with your body. Too wide apart can be assertive andthreatening – too narrow and you’ll fall over! Most people will focus so muchon their upper body and face movements, they will completely forget aboutwhat’s going on down below.
Mirroring
Opposites attract, right? Wrong!!And there’s a large amount of research to back this up - it turns out thatwe’re actually more attracted to people that we’re similar to or aspire to belike, and mirroring is body language telling you so. Mirroring is essentiallycopying the body language of the other person to create and demonstrate rapport.It is typically subconscious, so if you were to notice the other personmirroring you, this could be a sign that they’re interested. You can do it onpurpose to build commonality but this has to be done outside the other person'sconscious awareness so they don’t pick up on what you’re doing, otherwise theymay just think you’re faking it or even making fun of them!
So, the next time you’re out on aromantic date, trying to impress someone, or want to get into rapport, thendon’t forget about what your body language is saying about you – and make sureit’s the message you want to be sending!
Nick Aschettino
Personal development and dating coach www.Inspirechangecoaching.co.uk
07456 807807
At Ignite Dating, we understand the importance of finding the right person for you. Someone who complements your personality and lifestyle. That’s why we spend time getting to know you, so we can use a perfect mixture of Myers Briggs personality profiling, your feedback and our expertise to match you with great potential partners. If you’d like to know more about how we can help you find love,get in touch with our friendly team today.
